Re - writing
I am finally back to journaling 2 years later. It feels akward..almost like meeting an ex who you thought you could never get over. The one that shattered your heart into a million pieces that took years to put back together. What do I say? Do I sound smart enough? Sexy enough? I am not much of a talker so when I stop writing all these thoughts and emotions accumulate inside making me a walking ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment.
I am getting a tattoo in memory of "guka". My grandpa was the foundation of the family and his loss has left me feeling numb although the reality is finally settling in. I will not see him least not in this lifetime. I am getting a dove tattoo..the universal symbol of peace and love. Something that will remind me of how much my family means to me..they are irreplaceable. .special..God's reminder to me that he loves me.We are not perfect by any means and have had a lot of stumbling amd fights over the years..but I hope we can all realize that at the end of the day..we are all we've got.
Time is flying by so quickly...

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Remember the story of Lazarus?If you are somewhat familiar with the bible stories as i am, you will remember a sick man who was at the point of death. Now at the time, Jesus would walk around the cities performing miracles first hand, raising the dead, healing the sick, casting out demons and such. Now Lazarus had two very loving sisters, Martha and Mary. They were saddened by their brother's illness and had heard of Jesus and his power. They sent a message to Jesus to come and heal his brother and received the message that he was coming. Well, by the time Jesus made it to the town, Lazarus was dead and buried, The sisters cried to Jesus saying.".If only you had made in time..". That is exactly how i feel about my life right now. Plans are made and fail and sometimes we feel as though nothing is working out and its almost too late. But the story doesn't stop there..see Jesus is aware of Lazarus's death and he goes to the tomb and asks them to roll the stone. He then prays a very powerful prayer..."Father, I thank you that you have heard me".... He calls out Lazarus and he comes out walking from the tomb still wrapped in linen.
No matter how "dead" our situation may seem to us.. God's plan will still be on time. He will come at the RIGHT moment and raise to life anything that we seek in accordance to his will. We just have to be patient and believe in his plan.
 Its strange to be 25 and still not sure of what the heck your life is about...I never though when i was 18 that this would happen. You imagine a "perfect" life with a "perfect" boyfriend..."perfect" friends n so on..i don't mean people that don't make mistakes but i never thought i would be living hundreds of miles away from my boyfriend..thousands of miles away from my family and having a few true friends scattered throughout the country.
Its easy to be discouraged and just give up because its too hard...especially when it comes the one thing that could help fulfill some of my ambitions. The dreaded word..papers.i mean how many people have struggled, cried, died searching for this one phenomenon??I ask myself what would be the highest cost i would be willing to risk for the sake of this??Its a hard question with no specific answers. you work your ass off for six years studying and getting a degree that is very needed in this country and the only thanks you get is denial and suspicion Its like a knife pierced straight between your shoulder blades..its a hollow feeling in your chest..its the sadness in the eyes..its the sigh of despair breathed by so many international student. Seeking an opportunity to prove themselves hard in the "land of opportunities", help build a country whose economy is threatening to crumbling to pieces. So who will listen to the cry of the educated paperless students??who keep getting degree after degree in the hope of one day being considered worthy enough? Is it this administration or the next one to definitely is time for a CHANGE..time to provide opportunities to those who have proven themselves.

Writer's Block: Words to Live by
God grant me the senility to forget the people i never liked anyway,the good fortune to run into the ones i do and the eyesight to tell the difference ;)

Writer's Block: Words to Live by
What is your favorite quote?

I am an artist!
I was having a discussion with my boyfriend over Christmas holidays about certain people we know and how they were able to create businesses that earned them a good income. We talked about my friends who is good with sewing clothes and braiding hair and those that are incredible with their cameras and different things. He is good with motorcycles and is studying the motorcycle industry to understand if he will be able to start a business in that.Well, when it came to me...there was nothing. I could not come up with a single thought of what talent/gift i had outside of my "work" that could also earn money. I mean im good at cooking,dancing,singing(lol) and other things but i dont think of myself as being exceptionally talented in those. So as we continued on our drive, i felt a lump in my throat and heaviness in my heart. I thought to myself.."I'm i really the most average person there is?"
I went over what i could try to learn maybe pick up some painting, guitar lessons, piano lessons,anything to make me feel like i was out of the ordinary.I went to work as usual last week at the hospital and a patient i had helped get over a bad headache and hypertensive crisis which had caused told me that she couldn't wait to see me.I was so touched. I have come to the conclusion that being a nurse is my art..its deep down in the core of my being.I have the ability to help a sick person get a positive attitude about their life.So in art is what i do and get paid to do everyday and as hard as it is to be a nurse..i love it and will try to take each day positively!!
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